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Bobbi Rubinstein
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Woman Makes Great Catch at Cleveland Indians Game

9/20/2013

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PicturePlay Ball! 2012
Look what happened at last night's game between the Cleveland Indians and Houston Astros.  Is this an amazing catch?  Check it out.

Then read an article I wrote for the Los Angeles Times back in
May, 2000.  Baseball runs in my family ...
 
'When Hot Dogs Sizzled and Bats Cracked'

I don’t remember my first live baseball game, but my mom sure does. 

I was only six, but by the middle of the second inning at Yankee Stadium I must have figured something was wrong.  These were not the games I watched every weekend with my dad.  The action on the field lacked some ingredient. Commercials, of course!  When were they going to stop for the commercials? I blurted out.  

In that instant I sent a wave of laughter through our section and fell in love with the game.

Afternoons came to mean sand in the bathing suit and Mel Allen’s voice doing Yankee commentary on the radio.  The crack of leather against wood mixed with the sizzle of hot dogs on the barbecue.  I was the kid who knew the rules, who spoke the lingo.  RBI’s, three and two, that ball is going, going, gone.

When my family moved across the country, I still savored the murmur of 50,000 people ordering peanuts and beer.  I ran errands up and down Ventura Boulevard to the strains of Dodger Blue.  I balanced my checkbook to Vin Scully’s play-by-play.

Then I got married and the music stopped.  
 
My husband played tennis and road mountain bikes.  He polished his shoes over an unread sports section.  I was never a sports widow.  It was awful.

My baseball meditations dwindled down to the minutes spent in front of the bathroom mirror.  I put on mascara and caught a few scores on the radio sandwiched between talk shows and stock quotes.

Then last December my oldest daughter announced that she wanted to try her hand at softball.  We explained how she would have no free time in her (read:  our) schedule.  But she was adamant.  So we went into enrichment overload.

Every weekend found grandparents, parents and younger sister hunched up behind the backstop at home plate.  We cheered on the Fly Girls in their green T-shirts and black slider pads. I controlled my father from heckling the umpire.

My daughter discovered the joys of televised sports.  She sat in the family room calling pitches and cheering home runs.  When I reminded her about schoolwork, she assured me the game would be over “soon, Mom, soon.  It’s the top of the fifth.”

Two weeks ago as guests streamed in for our Passover Seder, my second base/right fielder cradled the remote and booed the umpire during a Braves game.  I watched from behind the kitchen counter as I doled out gefilte fish.

When her friends arrived, I reminded my daughter to be a gracious hostess.  

It was the bottom of the seventh, a tough call.  She screwed up her face to protest.  Then realizing she had a compatriot in crime, she jumped up from the sofa.  “Tell me who wins,” she said and tossed me the remote.

The next day mother and daughter pulled a squeeze play on dad.  I bought four tickets for a game in June. At least my husband likes peanuts and beer.


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I love packing lists

9/19/2013

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Picture

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
                                              ~ Erma Bombeck

I admit it.  I am obsessed with packing lists.  I read every one I come across.  It doesn’t matter if I already know what’s on them, like pick one neutral color and make sure everything matches.  Roll, don’t fold.  Pack a scarf for the plane. 

Yeah, yeah. Those are just the basics for newbies. I’m looking for the sink stoppers, the flashlights, the ‘fly with an empty fountain pen so it doesn’t explode into the cap on takeoff’ tips.  I am hardcore. 

In fact, I just read today’s post from one of my favorite sites – Unclutterer. 
It’s called ‘Organizing for travel – the packing list.’  Ahhh…packing and travel.  Heaven. And it even had links to packing list posts at Rick Steves and Real Simple to extend my reading pleasure.

Years ago I started building my own ongoing Monster Master Over the Top Packing List.  We’re talking a control freak’s bible.  It has items for every season, for road trips, planes, up the coast, across the ocean. Gloves, sun screen.  Tweezers, eyeglass screwdriver and an extra bra just in case the one I’m wearing breaks.  It never has, but imagine the pickle I’d be in if it did.  

And reminders like run the garbage disposal, dump the garbage pail and
rinse out the coffee pot so we don’t come back to smells, mold and rotten
bananas.

I print out a copy for every trip, attach it to a clipboard, grab my pencil and jump in.  The To Do’s get done one by one, like order Euros, get food for the dog and the dog sitter.  But the stuff that goes in the suitcase and the tote, well, that must be done straight through, don’t stop me, make your own dinner.  

Even though I’m checking off each item, I can’t stand being interrupted because it means you will have pulled me Out Of The Travel Zone. One time I left out the eyebrow pencil and spent a whole week half browed. 
Oh the embarrassment.  Couldn’t even buy one.  I was a mile up a mountain at a family camp.

And happy happy – did I learn anything new from this blog post, the links and the growing list of commenters that I keep checking in with?  Yes! 
Take a photo of your luggage and another of the contents.  So you can show the airlines when they lose it.  Isn’t that clever?  Isn't it?
 
Better pull up the file and add that one right away.


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Let them eat birthday cake

9/18/2013

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PictureSprinkle Pops 2011

I hate birthdays.  I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children’s birthdays too.
                                        ~ Samantha Bee

I’ve been writing this blog for one whole year. I am so proud of myself. For a sprinter, as I’ve called myself in a previous post, a year is forever.  My brain has grown a muscle it didn’t even know existed – persistence. Every month except last October when I was out of town and then landed at LAX with a bad cold from recycled airplane germs, I’ve put up a post.  

This year’s 30 Days/30 Posts September Challenge has shown me the value of deadlines, even when they’re just an attempt at a personal best that only I will care about. It’s amazing what a little fear about the blog date flipping to the next day will do for you.  Watch those fingers fly across the keys.  I laugh at you, perfectionist gremlin!

This month I’ve enjoyed a chuckle-filled reunion with my old self - the humorist who will always choose comedies over dramas when left in charge of the remote.  

Over a decade ago I wrote a humor column for almost two years for a local section of the Los Angeles Times. My very first published essay ever was in 7th grade in the school literary magazine. It was a laugh-a-minute sketch about my aunt and uncle’s French poodle.  It’s somewhere in the clutter in the garage so you’ll just have to take my word for it, but I killed.  

I even remember where I was when I nailed the first laugh outside the family dinner table.  Sitting at my desk during current events, sixth grade, something about oil, the US and the Ruskies.  That’s what I recall from the punch line I blurted out.  I wish I could remember the setup but I sure remember the class breaking out in laughter.

Comedy is how I cope with the world.  There’s nothing like a good sarcastic turn of phrase to take the edge off your troubles and neuroses.

Along with humor, in the coming Blog Year #2 you can expect some template changes, some freshening up, a rotating of the photo stock with new views from my upcoming autumn journeys. 
Plus lots more social commentary about what makes me chuckle or roll my eyes with disbelief.

So on the count of three, let’s belt out a rousing chorus of birthday cheer while I run and get the Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream. You did know that calories don’t count on your birthday, didn’t you?


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My kids were never this picky

9/17/2013

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PictureCome and get it! 2013

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, “My God, you’re RIGHT! I NEVER
would’ve thought of that!”
                                              ~ Dave Barry

We have a dog and we like to travel.  Combine the two and we’ve thrown another layer of anxiety on the usual pre-departure hysteria. Our Mickey is a spry 13 ½ year old miniature poodle who we love to pieces.  Sadly, he’s slowed down quite a bit, and like a cranky old coot, he hates being boarded at the vet.  So we bring in friends for him, aka our daughters’ old high school pals, so he can sleep in his own bed aka the couch.

Unfortunately in February Mickey needed to have seven teeth pulled.  Yes, I know, bad doggie dental care.  Please don’t yell at me.  I’m Jewish and the guilt has been killing me all year.  

On top of that, it seems that while our girls have outgrown their less than charming teenage years, our dog has become a picky toddler. He turns down much of the food we put in front of him, takes it out of his bowl and throws it on the floor and is no longer consistent in his potty training. 

Not exactly making housesitting duties easy for neighborhood sitters. Perhaps his food issue would strain the limits of even struggling college students in need of cash.  I was getting nervous as our departure day approached.

In early summer we planned a fall trip but we were still cutting up chuck steak into personalized little
pieces.

See, missing so many teeth, we could no longer feed him kibble.  And thus began the dark days of haunting the dog food aisles at PetSmart to solve the problem of feeding our new old man.

Purina, Beneful, Trader Joe’s - I don’t know how many different brands of canned food we tried. 
We made boiled chicken for him and mixed it with white rice we made for us. The vet said it wouldn’t be nutritious enough in the long run, with a judgmental tone in her voice.  I wanted to tell her "yeah, but it will give him more nutrients than starving." 

We steamed and smashed up green peas.  We peeled, chopped and boiled carrots and then resorted to little jars of organic sweet potatoes from the baby food aisle.

Most distressing for me was the Shabbat Challah Incident.  Mickey was a true connoisseur who would turn up his nose at mediocre loaves.  The first time we lit candles, said prayers and handed him a piece and then watched him drop it, uneaten, I thought I would burst into tears. 

This was getting serious.  We couldn’t find anything he liked on a continuing basis. He’d walk up to
the bowl, take a sniff and walk away as if to say, what is this new crap you’re feeding me?  Which one of you threw up in my dish?

Sometimes we thought we’d solved it.  We would come back to find the dish empty and him licking the last morsels.  We’d be overjoyed until a few meals down the road when he’d go all day without so much as a nibble.

How could we go away and let our daughters’ friends housesit with a picky eater? If we couldn’t figure it out, how could we expect them to?

We kept a stack of labels from each brand that he showed some interest in.  Conversely, we kept note of the ones he’d leave in the dish, unnibbled.  We began to wonder if he was withholding food from himself because he had cancer, an ulcer, some kind of doggie heartburn.  

My husband, an ex-pharmacist, consulted with the vet and got human Pepcid, breaking it into poodle size dosage.  This was like having a sick enfant.  Neither dog nor child could tell you what was bothering them.

Then last week, the tide turned.  Mickey slurped up some food.  We held our breath. Breakfast went down easily.  He savored his dinner repast.  This happened for a week with specific brands which went on the Most Wanted List. He’d grown less picky.  Why?  Who knows, who cares, he’s eating again.

I sent an email to our house sitters.  Hello Friends of Mickey the Wonder Poodle.  Good news to
report - Mickey is eating again – and still peeing around the family room.  But that, at least, has a solution.  

Much like overpaying for babysitting our human kids, who refused to go to bed and expected to be played with till the sitter collapsed with exhaustion, we are willing to throw money at the incontinence issue.  Going over budget may not work for the government, but for crazed parents, I'd vote for anything that would let me see a movie on Saturday night or get on a plane out of LA.


 

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The School Uniform - An Update

9/16/2013

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PictureVintage Brooch on Sweat Shirt, 2011

I think I’ve revived the costume jewelry
industry. 
                ~ Madeleine Albright,
                   former Secretary of State

I’m tired of fighting with my clothes.  

Too many mistakes haunt my
closet.

How I wish I could wear an all black uniform - jeans, tee-shirt, short black skirt, blazer, long skirt, cardigan, turtleneck, striped tees for contrast. 
The end.

This would simplify life so much.  A few scarves, simple jewelry. 
I’m out the door.

Is it my developmental stage?  No longer a 3 year old little girl who changes clothes twice before snack time, I’ve morphed into living out of a suitcase in my own bedroom, pretending I’ve got a plane to catch at LAX.

The weight goes up, the weight goes down, the waist gets round.

I work the quads, thighs shrink, WTF?!  Now I’m really screwed.

What size am I?  The newest existential question.

After 50 years in LA, I can still wear jeans to the Taper if I load the blazer lapel with brooches à la my idol, Madeleine Albright and toss the scarf
like a proper French matron.

Years ago we took the kids on a business trip to Manhattan. On the Statue of Liberty ferry returning to Battery Park, an uber-stylish young woman in work clothes like The Devil Wears Prada looked down at me, even though we were the same height, and asked if we were in from the suburbs on a field trip with the kids.  Was I that obvious in my olive green cords?  No, I smiled brightly, we’re here from LA.  

Doubly scorned, her look said.


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Turn, Turn, Turn

9/15/2013

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PictureThe Getty Museum, Los Angeles 2011

At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.   ~ Billy Crystal

Today I spent four hours writing prose poems. After ten hours of Yom Kippur services surrounded by hungry, praying folks, this little introvert needed to refuel. 

I pulled out a small French notebook
covered with a red and white map of Paris, part of my souvenir stash from our trip in 2012.  I tested my red Pelikano Junior fountain pen filled with a red ink cartridge and started to write.  
 
With only a short pause for breakfast, I hummed along in my own mind, sweeping away all the pain that a holiday season of somber reflection can leave behind.  The senior rabbi at my synagogue, who I love to listen to, so insightful you wonder how he can put it all together week after week, give a sermon that made me alternately want to throw up or break into tears.  With all due respect, I’m still stiff from how tightly I held myself in check, overwhelmed as his words pounded me.

First he told all the kids to leave because it was going to be a grownup speech and they should run out into the hall and try to get into a little trouble, your typical rabbi-type joke.  Then he spoke about Yom Kippur being the only Jewish holiday about death.  Oh no, I thought.  Here it comes.  He said it was imperative that you talk with your family about how you want to die, how important it was to let them know your wishes so they don’t prolong your pain or have regrets and family squabbles after you’re gone.

Sure, this was something that needs discussion, he had a captive audience and he did his usual masterly job.  I get it.  We had to decide about my dad's fate as he lay in a hospital bed hooked up to
machines, brain dead. My mom is in assisted living with brain damage caused by a car accident and deepening dementia.  Truly, I get it.  

But when the rabbi was done speaking, I left the sanctuary. The next part of the services were the ancestral memorial prayers, important, emotional and depressing.  I told my husband, enough was enough, and sat in the lobby finishing Siddhartha by Herman Hesse, also not a thigh slapper.

When Yom Kippur services ended, I raced home to cram dinner into myself after 8 hours of not eating, my version of the requisite holiday fast. We watched Billy Crystal’s Daily Show interview from Thursday night on the computer. He’d turned 65 and decided to write a memoir.  Such a comic treasure, but it was just more death and dying. Like I really needed that.

One evening when I was in my mid-twenties and stoned, I was watching some cop drama and all of a sudden I knew that someday I too would die.  When you are stoned, mindfulness is not a problem. It is easy to stay in the moment, and I couldn’t shake the thought all night.   Needless to say I didn’t get stoned too often after that.  Nor did I forget that moment.  Ever.

Now I’m closer to Billy Crystal in age than I am to my old hippie wannabe self.  Tonight I’m celebrating a friend’s 60th birthday.  No drugs, just wine, laughter and lots of good friends.  The best way to detox from discussions of death is to toast a hearty l’chaim to life.

But please Rabbi, a few chuckles next Shabbat.  I think we’ve earned it.


 

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What I learn after each Yom Kippur

9/14/2013

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PictureThe Getty Museum, Los Angeles 2011

To change one's life: 
Start immediately. 
Do it flamboyantly. 
No exceptions.  
               ~William James

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In the Season of Mindfulness

9/13/2013

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PictureThe Getty, Los Angeles 2011
Kavanah ~  to pray with mindfulness, intention. 

Tonight is Kol Nidre, the night before Yom Kippur, when Jews ask God to forgive them and inscribe them in the Book of Life for the coming year.  A serious holiday where you’re supposed to fast from sundown to sundown, when the Shofar, ram’s horn, is sounded at the end of the day tomorrow, we’ll breathe a sigh of relief and begin the New Year.

Focus remains one of my ongoing issues, staying with something long enough to accomplish it.  I always say the reason I survived my years in the television industry, noted for its adrenaline rush, is because I’m a sprinter not a marathoner.  Give me a 19 day production schedule and I’m humming.

But some things take time and that means learning how to go the distance. I
always pray for strength, determination, commitment.  Please God, let me lose weight, let me write every day, have patience with my kids, laugh with my husband, do squats and push-ups, listen to my friends, do a little something for the world.

I must say, I’m learning to go the distance.  Today’s our 26th anniversary.  My  husband and I looked at each other this morning and said, “Oy, how did we do it?”  Not easy but we believed in the process and gave it  and each other a chance.  We have 24 and 21 year old daughters.  We’ve lived in our house 20 years.

If intention is a muscle, I think I’m beginning to bulk up.


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Home Cave with Café Vibe

9/12/2013

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PictureParis 2012

And the idea of just wandering off to a café with a notebook and writing and seeing where that takes me for a while is just bliss. 
                            ~ J. K. Rowling

I wish I was a write-in-a-café kind of
gal.  I have my home cave set up
so to my liking that the idea of traveling somewhere to sit and post just doesn't give enough ROI.  Being able to hunch over the computer sans bra and make-up sounds grubby, not Hemingwayesque. I know.  But alternating between editing and bill paying is just too damn tempting for an anal type A.

No garret for me, but not the picture window overlooking a placid mountain lake or the blank white walls of a strip mall office either.  Rather give me a cranked up AC, never-empty coffee pot, complete with a European milk foamer, hot and cold running munchies, quick potty trips where I don’t have to protect all my stuff by schlepping everything to the loo, ability to wash laundry, sauté onions and tap away at the same time and my trusty MSNBC on the TV set above my desk to keep me clued into the world.  And now with the Coffitivity site or app, I can even have ambient noise from a café sound track to encourage my right brain neurons to start producing.

Plus I can’t walk to a local hangout or even the ever pervasive Starbucks. If only they were on every corner in my neighborhood. So a field trip that entails braving LA streets just to pay for some plain java and a mediocre blueberry scone on the off chance I’ll be sitting next to a cell phone blabbermouth who thinks her life is worthy of its own reality show doesn’t convince me that I should pack up the old messenger bag and grab the car keys.

Then you have to situate yourself and your accoutrements, hopefully not in someone else’s special place, until you've built up enough cred to have your own spot.  Then comes the whole perfect cup of coffee performance where I dump out some of it to make room for enough milk and keep adding sweetener packets till I hit the right level.  Returning to your table you still have to clean up the crumbs and spills from the previous genius and get yourself into writing mode.  Om.  Frankly, I’ve become so used to Chris Matthews’ harangues on mute that they’ve become a bit of a ritual for me.

The acknowledgement page of my bestseller will just have to include the names of various evil dictators, lying politicians and blathering talking heads that provide me with that soothing sense of community that some of us need to create our masterpieces.  My agent, my family and Richard Engel reporting live via Skype from the Middle East.


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I'm in training

9/11/2013

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PictureGym Stats, May 2013

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
                    ~ Joan Rivers

“Well, you’re in training.”

That’s what my friend said to me when I told her my daily workout regime.  Every morning the weights, step-ups, sit-ups, wall push-ups, balancing on alternate feet till I fall over.  Every evening walking at the gym, the level ever higher, the speed only inching up because I don’t want to jog.  Knees and ankles can’t take it anymore.  For 30 days. 

I’m in training.

Not for a 5k run or Iron Person. Hah.  I just want to be able to lift my
suitcase into the overhead bin without anyone’s help.  I want to step down from the shuttle bus without a thump because I've got muscle control of my knees and they can hold my weight. So I’m lifting pink, red, blue and green weights every morning, watching MSNBC, getting updates on our so-called foreign policy.

Then in the late afternoon I rush to the gym and jump on the treadmill, my clunky tennis shoes slapping the rubber, my eyes glued to the telly once again, missing the Cold War, those nasty Commies and British spy films. Mutual deterrence, now there was a policy.

I’m in training. 

To walk from West to East Berlin and check out the Stasi Museum.  My daughter, studying in Berlin, has a 5th floor apartment and I don’t know if there’s an elevator.  My heart pounds just thinking about it.

I’m in training.

Building those quads to walk the Old City of Jerusalem, along the Mediterranean in Tel Aviv and the Crusader city of Acre.

I’m in training.

It has the sound of commitment.  Intention.  I feel toned and trim just saying it.  That’s not what the scale says, but I ran up the stairs yesterday.  Ran! Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve even attempted that?  I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count that high.

I think I’ll try them two at a time tomorrow.


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